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wow. so long has passed since i blogged here. i have been updating my thoughts on my facebook notes. I think it is a better avenue for me to air my views there if i want people to comment and stuff. This blog is stagnant. However, it acts as a a new location for me to rant my thoughts without people knowing.

Sigh. I keep delaying building my portfolio because i dont know what i want to do in my life. it is so simple for my friends. It is simply finance. Well, at least for many of them. I am not the least interested in pursuing a career in that. Well, i mean it is important. After i took FIIM, i realised the importance of the financial systems but i am not that interested in it. I am more interested in corporations and how they manage finances.

So far i only have decided i am going to go for MNC. well, the rest. i am not too certain. business development? I am interested in that. I am interested in working for the strategies department of MNCs. I know i am young and not there yet but i am willing to learn. When i mean by strategies, i meant like knowing which market to expand or look into. It seems as though it is very much about marketing?

However, i think different companies look for different ones. Fedex probably looks for someone with operations major and background together with marketing. To think of ideas and new areas to venture into. SOmeone with knowledge about the industries and a relevant skill.

I think i have been looking in the wrong places.. It is about finding the industries and then finding a skill to support it. Marketing would be the skill to support it. Although it can't be said that it is a skill that can be learnt but i think there are still knowledge to be learnt. I want to concentrate my modules towards strategy, marketing and accountancy degree. :)

probbaly a long time before i graduate. but the economy is so bad. see how yeah.

i was reading through my blogpost before i entered SMU and was in JC. i was so driven about what i want to do in my life. in achieving success and becoming a stronger leader.

i was so convinced that i was one of the best in the people whom i know and i can succeed in what i want to do.

i think i lost myself somewhere in this journey. i fell really quite hard for the first few weeks. not knowing what to do, not knowing what do with free time on hand. i became more withdrawn. i dont tell all my friends what is happening and i behave in a way that i dont want them to know.

i smile alot because i believe that being happy is the key to life but i cant find things that can keep me smiling. i live very much for others becuase i believe that i wanna make other people happy and making other ppl happy, i will be happy too.

but i think something went wrong there. I grew tired of doing things and it's back to studying. i think i wanna do things that i believe in. no longer just because of learning.

tired. i am always tired of life.

oh wells. i ran for exco i got in but i dropped out. complications.

i wanted president or marketing at least but i didnt get both. and my interest lies in both. yeap.
i think i really wanted to learn and test my skills in those areas.

then i met a new group of friend frm my FT class: May, Ben, Weisheng, and Justina.

more of hanging out more with May at screme for guitar heroes :D

sighhh. but i got to get to studying. everyone is studying like mad while i am not. sighhh.

cognitare's interview is on sunday but i cant get myself to clear my work before this weekend. today i must finish finance and MA homework. no joke man. i am quite scared and stressed.

but i think my motivations are different and wrong.. i dont wanna study just because i wanna score. but becuase i have to meet deadlines.

learning is the center of life. girl. learning.

i am quite tired.

i love sleeping nowadays. i keep going late for class. i am so sick of school that i dont want to go to school.

mid-life crisis man.

A few more hours away to Asean + 3 Youth Festival.

This week's preparation was for AYF's cultural performance. Tired but worth it. I think i will enjoy it very much :) Prepping for the performance kills meeeee.

I think i am looking forward to it. With an open heart.

Everyone has a choice to how they want to look at things. By opening your minds, you can view things in a perspective different from a closed mind.

If you tell yourself it will be good, it will be good.

Alrighty. signing off.

I made a decision that will probably last for one and a half year.

i chose to join SMAP with the understanding that I might be in EXCO.

For next semester, I have Mail Mobile, OCIP and possibly, SMAP.

i must really think through tis.



on a side note, i am getting gossip. weirds.

tired. i am really tired.

can't wait for MISE-5 to be over and out.

AYF is pulling me in all directions and commitment of the team is not there. i obviously didn't know what i signed up for. disappointing.

very disappointing.

i suddenly have this thought:

i am existing; not living.

i exist but i am not living life properly.

i am living; not existing.

i am living my life to the fullest but do i really exist?

amber seow xiu jing (jing)
the perfectionist dragon
ponders all the time
loves to think
loves to learn about others
believes in the better good in life.

Most of my friends call me Xiu Jing until recently i decided to give myself an english name - Amber.

like to do weird things. really weird things. I always wanted to try new things so probably would do trekking this year and do my social enterprise things. Currently working on a Social Enterprise project and hope it will work out eventually. One of the greatest thing i learnt this summer is that people are in different things for different reasons and we ought to accept it.

seowxiujing@gmail.com (msn/facebook)
I love durians :D
I love cakes for the happiness they bring. I love nature for how they are so amazing always.

why can't i have these instead?

- To travel to Europe, Taiwan, Asia (done philippines and india) before 30 years old.
- Bring my parents to a world tour
- Learn even more from people around me.